Is It Possible?

Do you believe in the possible?

No, not the impossible, like whirled peas or other such nonsense.

But the possible.

Is it possible to remember your fellow man and allow that other drive into your lane...even though the commute is long?

Would it be possible to let that young mother, the one with the screaming toddler, take cuts in front of you at the grocery store. Even though you've been standing in that line for a while now?

Could it possibly cross your mind to pay for a strangers coffee in line behind you?

Or maybe it would be possible to hold open the door...

Or simply smile at a stranger.

What would our world look like if we actually paid it forward?

Did you ever see that movie? It was dribble. Truly.

But the truth is, long before it became "cool" to pay it... others were already doing it. It's the whole do unto others... thing.

If it were possible to step, for just a moment, outside your comfort zone, would you?

Would I?

The New Year is upon us. Each year we consider the past and ponder the future. We decide to diet and exercise. We promise to be better people, to accomplish more, to work less, and spend time with the kiddies.

And it lasts for a month. Or a week. Or a day.

Then it's back to the ol' grind. But what if it were possible to truly change ourselves and our world?

It's an interesting thought.

A little over a year ago, my friend The Writer, announced that she was going to change the world. I chuckled at her, because really, change the world seemed a little outside the possible.

Funny thing is, she has.

Never say never and never think the possible is impossible.

For all things are possible if we actually get off our backsides and do it.

What's possible for you in 2011?

Escape the Zoo

We all live in a zoo. Know what I mean?

Either we are trapped in the craziness that is our life, or somehow we stumbled in to someone else's zoo and thus are stuck behind bars not of our own making.

I've been thinking a lot about cages and entrapment lately. About fear and loss. About being trapped in a situation that I cannot control and worried that I'll never get out.

I'm sure it has to do with the small, petty issue of buying a house.

It could also have to do with my friends down South who are still in the midst of a horrific and life altering experience. Due to the delicate nature of the legal battle that is waging, I cannot go into details, but let me just say that there is a special place in Hell for those who wage war against God's children.

I firmly believe this and pray for justice.

Maybe my fretting over cages has to do with Boy's new adventure. I have no control over the situation and it makes me a little itchy. I'm such a fixer, you see. I want to fix and help and...okay, I want to run the show. It's true.

Yet, I know that these last few years have been about letting go.

Specifically, letting the children go. Just opening up the proverbial cages and turning them loose on the world. It's what we want to happen, but it's so darn hard to do.

Somehow, it's easier to let Boy go. Okay, it's kind of easier. Sort of....Maybe not?

Girl? Not so much.

But I know she wants adventure. I know she wants travel. I know she wants service.

I want to say, "Fly! Be free!"

And I probably will say it, but my little heart will shout the opposite. Don't you feel sorry for Girl? It's not that she's said anything. It's not as if she's packed her bags and heading to India with her brother. She's not like I was at eighteen - ready to run at a moments notice.

It's coming. That's all I know. And it's good. Escaping the zoo means growth and adventure and probably some mistakes. It means learning to do things on your own and meeting new challenges. It means balancing your checkbook and eating Top Ramen because you're broke.

I've been thinking about my own cage too. The one I've locked myself in. I think it's time to shake it up a bit. I had goals that I let fall to the wayside while I managed the family zoo. Maybe now is the time to unlock my cage door and learn something new.

I don't know what it is and I don't know how it will change me, but I want more. I want to live outside the zoo and see what it's like the big, bad world.

Hopefully, I won't get scared and run home!

Wait...Who Am I?

Good things happen to those who wait. On Wednesday I took FIL to the doctor who told him that he could WALK. Yes, walk. Walk here. Walk there. Walk everywhere!

Huzzah!

The birds sang! The sky opened up and the sun smiled upon us!

So, he can walk, but it's going to take time to get back on his feet, if you catch my drift.

I'm still cooking for him. Still doing his housework, his laundry, his errands. Still jumping up at a moments notice to rush up and see what he needs.

The birds aren't singing nearly as brightly as they were before.

Don't get me wrong, it's all good. There is a light. A light I say! But it still seems so far away and out of reach.

This week has been very difficult because Girl is gone too. I miss her. I miss her laughter and goofiness. I miss the piano. I miss...sigh...

All that and I miss the extra pair of hands who use to help me out. Now it's all Annie, all the time. Except when I'm at work.

I'm growing pretty bitter about the lack of help. I'm just sayin'.

The Sandwich Generation is what they call us now. You know, those of us who have young adult children and are caring for an elderly parent.

I've never really liked sandwiches. That and I'm having a bit of an identity crisis.

It all started when I didn't wear a "dress" to Girl's graduation.

Shocking I know.

But....in my defense...I'm not that person any more. Or maybe it's that I don't want to be that person. Maybe I want to be someone else.

I don't really know who...

I guess I'm up for an adventure but I don't know where to find it and I'm not that daring and Beloved is kinda tired out from his new job.

There has got to be more to life than cooking and cleaning and working.

Suggestions?

Until then I leave you with a couple of graduation shots.

The Bright Side of Things

So yesterday's post was pretty much all pity party. I don't know about you, but I don't really like pity parties. There's never any cake and someone is always complaining about something.

For instance, yesterday when FIL was bemoaning his wheelchair state and telling me how he hated this and hated that, I looked at him and said, "Boy, you're crabby today!"

His reply was, "No I'm not...it's just..."

Which got me to thinking about my own moaning and wailing.

I cannot believe you guys bother to read this blog. I'm just sayin'.

Anyway, life cannot be all beach fronts and martini's now can it? Can it?!

There's more, I just have to look and stop being Nelly Negative.

So, positive things today:

I cannot do yard work because it's stormy out.
I don't work today.
The graduation tea is in two days.
I have Girl all to myself.
We have coffee and coffee creamer (non-fat of course).

And I'm considering a new blog. It's still peculating in mah head, so no details, but I had a epiphany last night about food and my dear love of it and the fact that I need to step up the weightloss.

More later....maybe....

It's Coming...

My girl

My "little" girl

My "little" blondie girl

My BABY!

Graduates in a matter of months.

Let the planning begin!

Because we are that weird homeschool family that you've heard about, Girl won't be graduating with a huge class. There is no class ring. There won't be a lock in grad party. She'll miss out on only having a few tickets and too many relatives who are dying to attend the ceremony.

Instead, she'll graduate with three others for a grand total of four graduates. (That's one more than graduated from our Boy's class).

She'll wear the robe

Walk the walk

Make a speech

Play the piano

And her mother with try not to cry.

MY BABY!

But before all that happens we need to plan. When Boy graduated we hosted a father-son breakfast. It was the perfect way to celebrate graduation because Beloved and Boy had attended many men's breakfasts together. The food was AMAZING and I can only say that I love hiring a caterer. No muss, no fuss. It's the only way to fly.

Now it's Girl's turn and we've decided on an afternoon tea. Doesn't that sound fun?

We need to narrow down a date, choose the menu, decide on decorations and get invitations out.

In so many ways, it feels like it's years away, but it's not.

It's coming, whether I'm ready or not.

I just can't believe it.

My girl

My "little" girl

My "little" blondie girl

is graduating.

Somebody get me my smelling salts!

Forty-Two

1. I turned forty-two today.

2. I found the perfect lipstick.

3. I had coffee with one of my best friends.

4. I received a beautiful covered casserole dish.

5. I did laundry.

6. I had lunch with my Beloved and my Boy.

7. I received two books; Easy on the Eyes by Jane Porter (fav!), and South of Broad by Pat Conroy (all time fav!).

8. I cleaned the cat box.

9. I mopped the floor.

10. I thought about going to the gym…and didn’t…

11. I talked to the Singer, the Giver, and Red.

12. I’ll be meeting Red at the gym in an hour.

13. I talked to the Stalker too.

14. I took down the clothes line – fall is here.

15. I wondered if my mother remembered it was my birthday. Not that I’m expecting or want anything. From her.

16. I laid out the ingredients for banana bread; but haven’t made it yet.

17. I watched the clouds roll in as I sat, for one last time, on my patio.

18. I learned that Chris Klicka, of Homeschool Legal Defense, is near death. I feel sad for his wife and children.

19. I missed my Omi saying, “Happy Birthday”.

20. I swept the floor.

21. I curled my hair.

22. I cleared off the kitchen table.

23. I re-read my blogs about Omi. Sniffle.

24. I Facebooked for wwaayy too long.

25. I made tea.

26. I noticed that Beloved’s eyes turn an even brighter blue when he wears a certain blue shirt. Nice!

27. I watched Beloved build a ridicules pair of speakers. Truly. Ridiculous.

28. I thanked FIL for birthday money.

29. I remembered my SIL will be here at the end of the week.

30. I contemplated coloring my hair.

31. I looked at my messy bedroom and decided against cleaning it.

32. I miss my Girl and wonder how I will ever survive once she’s out on her own.

33. I wondered why forty-two feels different than forty-one.

34. I thanked God that I am forty-two with a wonderful family.

35. I remembered I have a book review and a blog post due. TOMORROW!

36. I will clean my kitchen tonight.

37. I will watch Drop Dead Diva too.

38. I will tell those that I love, that I do indeed, love them.

39. I will be thankful for my job, my home, and friends.

40. I will read in bed until my eyes are full of sand and begging for sleep.

41. I will be a stronger, more faithful, kinder person this year.

42. I will love, because Jesus loved me first.

Weary

I've grown weary of talking about my family; parents, siblings, and the like. They suck. There, I said it.

My girl has been gone for one week. ONE. SOLID. WEEK. I've been trapped here with boys...just boys...Beloved...our Boy...and the cat...Oh, and FIL too!

Boys

Boys

Boys

They don't do dishes.

Sometimes they grumble over BBQ Turkey burgers on sandwich thins with juicy slices of tomatoes. Okay, It was Boy who grumbled and then said that the burger was great, but he didn't like the skinny bun. Sigh.

"Eat your salad boy and shaddup!"

His snappy reply? "You guys eat weird food now."

Pardon me for trying to keep us healthy!

They rarely clean up after themselves.

They make noises of various kinds.

They do not care for chick flicks.

And they don't understand that I'm emotional and tired and grumpy and in need of chocolate and a good cry.

But I don't feel like crying.

Sigh.

I am weary.

Listening

I wonder why certain colors are chosen for certain offices. Have you noticed the minty green, some form of tanish-yellow, and the various hues of gray that adorn most medical offices? It makes Girl crazy. She wants to know if there is a law or something.

And while the colors seldom change, the furniture certainly has. Remember the good ol' days of uncomfortable, hard plastic chairs? Not anymore my friend. Now you can lounge on a sofa, poor yourself onto a love seat, or drape your sick and weary bones onto a comfy arm chair. Times, they have changed.

The wait, however, has not.

We knew that Beloved's stress test would take anywhere from two to four hours. I went along, just for the fun of it. We were the first ones in the office and I staked out my comfy chair, right in the corner (no sharing chair arms for me!) and realized I'd forgotten my book. Sigh.

Instead, I read Sunset cover to cover. Did you know you can GROW your own saffron? Yeah, that spice that costs $1000 an ounce (okay, it's not really!) can be grown in your very own yard. Planting time is in the fall. You can visit White Flower Farms and purchase 25 of these beautiful plants for around $18.00. All things considered, that's a great price!

Anyway, as Beloved bounced between his tests and the waiting room, my eyes grew heavy. Yawn. The chair was too comfortable and I didn't have anything to do. The room had started filling up around 9:00 and I noted that I was the youngest one in the room. The other guests noted it too. They looked at me quizzically. When Beloved returned (again) to the waiting room this fellow struck up a conversation.



Yes, I know I took a cell phone pic and am posting it without this gentleman's permission. I was BORED, okay? Note the yellow walls in the background.

This talkative fellow served in WWII. He sailed through the Straights of Gibraltar on one of sixty vessels. He chuckled and said he'd never seen so many planes in the air in his life because both the American and British air force flew right over those ships. It was an amazing sight.

He spent months in Marseille, where ironically, his grandfather had fled from as a young man because of war.

In a matter of moments we learned that he'd met his wife at the Grange Hall in Oregon City, where both their farming families were members. She was twelve, he was fourteen. They married the day after he turned twenty-one, because he'd promised his mother that he wouldn't marry until then.

Next weekend will be their sixty-third wedding anniversary. Cool huh?

When Beloved was called back to complete his test another couple entered the waiting room and sat down across from our new friend. I noted that gentlman wore a WWII Navy Veteran cap. I knew it wouldn't be long...



The gentlemen swaped war stories, the one was a wee bit hard of hearing and his sweet wife often repeated things for him. She held his hand, patted his knee, and looked at him in such an adoring way. She proudly told us that her husband was eighty-three and she was eighty-one. They've been married for sixty-five years this spring.

As I sat and listened to these fine folks, I couldn't help but note that Beloved and I are half their age, yet here we all were in the same room, waiting for the same tests. They had lived and loved for so many years. They served. They raised their families. They paid their taxes.

I wondered, was it worth it? All the heartbreak that accompanies life. The hard times. The angry times.

Then out of the blue, the first gentleman said, "It's been a good life."

And I smiled.

It Ain't No Picnic

Boy and Girl are learning hard lessons. Difficult lessons about life. It was bound to happen, especially since we let them both know in no uncertain terms that we expected them to grow-up, work hard, and become productive adults.

Okay, we weren't harsh, but they knew that growing up meant standing up all by themselves, earning their own money, and gettin' on with life.

They both know they wouldn't be spending their twenties firmly planted on our sofa, eating our food, and playing video games.

We don't own any video games.

Anywho, Boy has been in a position of leadership this week. He's the man. The Big kahuna. The alpha dog. The boss.

(My little boy! In charge! I'm so proud! Gush!!!)

Oh, and he's sick.

sick
sick
sick

This week he's learned that being in charge is a difficult thing. He doesn't know the answers to some questions. He is responsible for everyone and every thing. He has to go to work even when he's sick.

Yeah, being an adult stinks sometimes.

Girl has worked for the last two weeks at VBS at church. She's also been in a leadership position. However, because she's only sixteen (going on seventeen) there are some adults who dismiss her authority. It steams her. It really does.

(My Girl! She's a giver and a hard worker. Do NOT trample her enthusiasm!)

Today is the last day of camp and then she'll be babysitting until the late hours of the night. Tomorrow she'll be up at the crack o' dawn to go blueberry picking with me (something she is not really looking forward to). After that, I'll drive her into the BIG city so that she can attend the Highland Games with her friend.

She will have to use her own funds to do this because the bank of mom and dad is currently closed - we were not part of the stimulus plan. Snicker.

In short, this week my children have learned that being an adult, well, it ain't no picnic. And it's expensive. And there will always be someone to throw tacks in your path. And that often times you work when you are sick, or tired, or just plain don't want to.

It ain't no picnic. No sir.

Sometimes I Get a Little Down

Sometimes

Sometimes I get a little down.

It’s the little and big things that get to me. For the most part I’m a pretty positive girl.

Yet, sometimes…

Sometimes it’s the negative comment that is thrust my way. Even if it wasn’t meant for me or about me, I’ll carry it around, bundled like a mewing newborn.

”If only you were thinner, taller, younger, blonder…”

“It’s too bad you didn’t finish college, write that book, get that job, buy that house…”

“Why don’t you make more money, run more miles, smile more, smile less, take charge of your life…”

Other times it’s the circumstances of my life that blow me over like a reed in the wind.

Worrying about Beloved

Missing Boy

Dealing with FIL

Thinking about Mom

Listening to silence and finally understanding that soon it will be like this all the time

Gasping as the caller ID announces a call from the retirement home

But then…

I see the new calf run across the field in wild abandon.

I made a seven-month-old baby smile.

My dog is glad to see me after work.

The garden is growing.

My Girl comes home.

And my Beloved puts his arms around me, tells me I’m pretty, and I rest in his embrace.

Life is good.

Then I'm not so down anymore.

Ummm...Never Mind

The phone rang yesterday at work. Okay, it didn't really "ring" per say, it announced the incoming call with a quirky little cell phones tune. Normally, when I am at work, I do not take personal calls. I'm at work, after all. But yesterday afternoon it was Soldier Mommy and since the clocking is ticking to her departure date I felt I had to take the call.

The news was surprising.

The General, aka Soldier Mommy's new husband, is keeping the boys with him while she deploys.

Out of left field? Yes.

Strange? Maybe.

The right thing to do? Absolutely.

The last things these two boys need is a move and a separation from everything that is becoming familiar.

So...No boys.

hmmm

hmmm

hmmm

Happy?

Sad?

Hmmm....

Adieu 2008

I’m taking a break from the rambling posts about our winter weather/Christmas joy to bid farewell to the year 2008. I was pretty sure it had been an interesting year, but honestly I couldn’t remember all of it. Pulling the calendar off the wall, I flipped back to remind myself of the little details that had filled my year. Here’s what I found:

January 2008 brought the Z-Monsters forth birthday. We celebrated it like no other four-year-olds birthday because we knew she and her sister, The Destroyer, would be returning to their mother. They did so in April. I cried when they left. I really did. Girl cried too. Beloved breathed a sigh of relief, looked at the two of us as if we’d lost our minds and went back to his life, sans foster daughters. It’s funny how ones perspective changes with time and how we can laugh now at the trials and tribulations those wee, tiny tyrants drug us through. We don’t see them as often as we’d like, but at least we know that they are doing well and that Birth-Mom is holding her own.

2008 was also the year of the orthodontist – again. If you’ve ever had more than one child with braces, then you feel my pain. If you’ve ever had to drive two hours to pick up a child and take them to the orthodontist, than sister, I owe you a drink.

It was the year when I started writing book reviews for Litfuse, the year my best friend published her first book and the year I started writing about fitness. 2008 was also the year that I started two different stories, but never completed them. The main character of the first one still yells at me whenever she’s given the chance. Maybe this year…

There were biology classes, piano lessons, writers group. Girl worked at Bible Club, she worked at kids camp and she drank gallons of Starbucks. I spent hour after hour driving, driving, driving girl in 2008. It was also the first year that Girl left home for a solid week without her Momma, her Daddy, or her over-protective brother along for the ride. It was a long week. She danced at the Regency Ball and the graduation ball. She danced with boys, much to her brother’s dismay. Then she aced her CAT and smiled to realize that homeschool is nearly finished.

Boy worked at camp. He studied Greek. He brought his stinky laundry home once a month and reminded us of youth and dreams and crazy boy things. Boy fell in love, checked that duty off his list and was side-swiped when girl-who-won’t-be-named wasn’t as serious as he was. Poor Boy. A lesson was learned and a song added to his anthology of music written and sung. Boy recorded his first CD. He also wrote a song for his father, which makes his mother weep.

Beloved and I escaped to the beach and were reminded of the sweetness of when it was just the two of us. He’s my life you know. He makes it all tick. We are going to miss the children when they finally start their adult lives, but we’ll survive because we have each other.

2008 brought me my first job outside the house in nearly seventeen years. I was scared. I was nervous. After five months of employment, I still delight in my work and with those I work with. Someone made a comment to me about my job being “a dead-end job” . I just blinked at her. She doesn’t understand that this is more than a job to me. It’s a way of changing a woman’s life, of helping her to see her potential, of lifting her up. Maybe my little part-time job won’t change the world, but it will change lives. I think that rocks!

And I ran. I ran for the first time in years. I ran a mile. Then I ran two. Three was not far behind. 2008 was the year of the runner and I think 2009 will be the year of the 5K, the 10K and maybe, gulp, the half-marathon?

In 2008 my friends battled tumors, heart-breaks, and children. They struggled with health issues, marital problems, and sick and elderly parents. My friends lost weight, ran miles, and had hysterectomies. I made them laugh, I drove their mothers around, I cried when they cried and offered to beat up those who hurt them. 2008 was a great year for friendships and I was indeed blessed.

So, I bid you adieu 2008. You’ve brought me more smiles than tears and in retrospect I suppose that’s all that really matters.

Happy New Year!

Only the Lonely

This was going to be a rant about women never getting a day off, but I decided against it in favor of a different issue concerning women. Aren't you glad?

I've found a disturbing truth out about my job. I honestly hadn't suspected that anything was amiss and even though I'd seen a symptom or two, the realization that there is a silent epidemic among women surprised me.

No, it's not breast cancer, it's loneliness.

Part of my job, a big part, is to develop relationships with the members. In this way we can support and encourage them. I'm good at this. I'm a people person (just ask anyone). But what do you say to women who say, "I don't have any friends"?

It's not that they are blurting this tid bit out mid-workout. It just sorta comes out. I'll ask what they did over the weekend and they say nothing. They'll talk about their work, but no social life. Sooner or later they admit that they don't have any friends, that they spend their time away from work running errands or watching TV.

I am simply flabbergasted.

These are intelligent, friendly, people. They come from all walks of life and all age groups. They have no friends. The thought sends a shiver down my spine and it makes me wonder if I'm some sort of an odd-ball.

Okay, yes thank you, I know I'm an odd-ball, but do you understand what I'm saying? These women HAVE NO FRIENDS. None. Nada. They don't lean on one another for support. They don't go to lunch. They don't catch up on the phone or spend time IMing their buddy. It boggles the mind. It really does.

I find myself growing ever more thankful for my circle of friends. I am blessed indeed. But I've always been a mother hen. I want to fix these women. In fact, I almost burst out the other day with, "I'll be your friend", but frankly, these women at my work are still dating my representative and they don't know the real me.

Let's not scare them shall we Annie? Step away from the lady. No, you will not write her a little card of encouragement. You will not invite her to lunch. Step away. Keep your hands to yourself. Put your sad eyes away. Focus.

It's a big lonely world out there folks and I wonder, do we make it better by being in it? Or are we simply running through our day, oblivious to the lonely souls around us?

Excerpts from a Childhood

Excerpts from a composition book:

Things I like to do: whittle, read comics, books, etc., play army, think, run, climb hay 09/05/00

I like being home alone. It is fun doing what I want to do. Sometimes it’s lonely. Sometimes I go upstairs and visit Grandma and Grandpa. I like to watch TV when I am alone. Then mom or dad come home. 03/27/01

What I need to work on: I need to work on my shooting ability so I can go hunting or even become a pro shooter in the Olympics! 02/20/02

My boy is home for a short break before his summer work schedule begins next week. It’s been a year now since he graduated and moved an hour from home to be an Intern with a Christian camp organization. In the year that he’s been gone he’s grown taller, broader shouldered, funnier. I am sometimes amazed when I see him, “THIS is my little boy?”

I’ve missed his being around the house, his goofiness, his “good morning mommy” even though he has towered over me for several years now. I did not, however, miss his stuff. He has boxes and boxes of stuff. Most of which I packed up since we have very little room for, well, stuff. Today, he finally went through a few of the boxes. What treasures I found.

As he’s tossing, I’m grabbing, “Wait! What’s this? You’re not going to throw this out are you?” Various awards from his years in Awana. His inventions; a mini trebuchet, a golf ball retriever, other things we couldn’t remember the purpose of. There were compositions books, photos, basketball cards. All things of boyhood.

I’m proud of the man he’s become and his easy, fun loving manner. His growing up doesn’t make me feel old. It does make me melancholy sometimes though to think of the days I wished away. There were days when homeschooling was difficult (an understatement I assure you) and days when I wanted to do for me, not for anyone else.

As I watched him sort through his childhood I couldn’t help but smile. He’s still that goofy kid at heart. It was plain to see as he pulled out his Tin Tin books and exclaimed, “Hey! Tin Tin!” But he’s also become the man God intends him to be. I think I’ll hold onto these days, the days before he finds his bride, the times before he’s toiling daily to earn his bread, before the cares of life become his burden.

If you are a young parent, I would encourage you not to wish the days away. Hold them tight. They fly, truly fly past you and before the dust settles you’ll see a young adult before you. Trust me, you’re going to miss these times when they are little. Truly you will.

It's My Blog and I'll Blog if I Want To!

I just finished reading a blog (surprise, surprise) that attempted to tackle the too much information situation that takes place in many blogs today. She asked the basic questions, “When is too much, too much?”

The World Wide Web is NOT a safe place. Most of us adults get that. There have been instances were pictures have been pirated and placed (ahem) elsewhere. In some cases, a blogger simply gives too much information, leading to harassment by mean spirited lurkers or injury to friends and family.

Why then do we blog?

Should we consider limiting what we have to say, in order to remain safer and secure?

Certainly we must be very, very careful about the type of information we give out. There are a lot (a lot!) of creepy creeps out there who would love to trash your world. Be safe: don’t publish your address or phone number, change names where you think it appropriate, and set up a separate email other than your personal one.

As far as content goes, that’s a bit of a sticky widget. I am guilty of sharing too much information about my extended family. I’ve blogged about the niece who got beat up by her meth addict boyfriend, my mother’s mental illness, and various and sundry pieces of dirty family laundry. Oh, alright, I whine and complain sometimes.

If you’ve read any of my previous blogs, you may have noticed that I tend to be transparent. It’s not all lilies and roses over here. What you see, is pretty much what you get and that to me is the beauty of the blog. Sometimes in life outside the blog sphere we have to wear masks. We need to be careful and cautious, lest others see too much of who we are and snicker in our general direction.

Blogging is different. Within the safety of the blog home world, I can complain about my mother, my foster kids, the idiot at the gas station and get away with it unscathed. No one in my family reads my blog and my previous foster babies couldn’t read. As to that guy at the gas station; he’s just another faceless stranger who I couldn’t nail face to face. Hey, it happens.

And lest someone should leave nasty or unkind comments on our blog…guess what, we delete them. Or, if we are feeling especially brave, we take them on. But let me caution you about attacking the unseen.

The world is filled with folks who are pretty computer savvy. They can find out things about you in just a couple of clicks of the keyboard. It’s true. I have a friend who commented on another person’s blog, defending another blogger’s right to live a very conservative lifestyle. My friend was harassed for months. Her email was hacked and personal information shared on unfriendly websites. Yikes.

In many ways I think we need to remember the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

I’m a blog hopper. I’ll hop from blog to blog, link to link, looking for interesting blogs. It’s how I found many of you. I like reading about your lives, your struggles, your triumphs. I’ve cried with you and prayed for you. When I read your blogs I feel a sense of kinship. Regardless of where we are in life, we’re all pretty much in the same boat (sometimes without paddles) and sometimes that’s just nice to know.

As far as my blog is concerned, well honey, it is what it is. Take it, leave it, or forget it.

This is my life and I’ll blog if I want to.

The List

It’s Thursday; thus far today it has rained and hailed intersected with moments of golden, delicious sunlight falling upon the face of the earth…then twenty-nine seconds later, it pours again. Yesterday it snowed. Snowed. In March. At my house. Weird. Granted, the flakes were heavy and wet. They didn’t actually stick to anything, but just seeing them land on my windshield irked me. Snow in Oregon in March is pretty darn rare, at least at my elevation. It would seem that March is in like a lamb and out like a lion as the saying goes. All of which pretty much mirrors my mood for the day.

In 6 days the little girls return to bio mom. I’ve already sent nearly everything back with them. Only a few articles of clothing and a box of toys remain. The house is starting to show signs of being a toddler free zone. One side of me is pleased at how clean the house is going to be. She’s is reveling in the quiet and thinking happy thoughts about writing, etc.

The other side is a bit of a sap. Her tender little heart is sad about the girls leaving. She’s worried for their safety and dreading that her forecast of their future will come true. This side would like to lock the door when the case worker shows up Wednesday morning and not let her take the wee girls. She’s a bit of a drama queen and thankfully, the logical side tries not to let her out very often. After all, she’s been known to make a spectacle of herself. Silly girl.

One of the things that both sides agree on is that we are all irritated at the one question that is continually being thrust our way:

”What are you going to do with yourself when the girls are gone?”

So, in case you are interested or have found yourself locked within the confines of my blog (insert evil laugh here), this is my to-do list for after April 2nd:

Personal List:

Sleep – ahh I remember sleep! It’s that thing I use to do before the girls came. I use to sleep all night. In fact, sometimes I even slept later than (gasp) 5 am.

Workout – while not nearly as much fun as sleep, it does add a certain element of fitness. Exercise makes me feel good, it makes my clothes fit better or (sniffle) makes them too large and then I have to go shopping. It’s a terrible burden, but I’ll manage. Somehow.

Read – One of my favorite things to do. I’ll read my Bible, every day (!), I’ll finish the books I’ve started and begin new ones. I’ll spend time at the library, just me library card and me! And let’s not forget those blogs…all those lovely, lovely blogs in cyber space. They just call my name, you know? I believe it’s Patty that titled her link lists as enablers…yeah enablers…how I love them!

Write – The book must get finished. Must. The stories need to be finished by September. Those essays, yeah, you know the ones, they are long over due. I’ll be writin’ me wee little heart out. Then of course there is that new and very exciting writing news…that I haven’t shared with you yet…soon dahling, soon…

Family, House, and Friends List:

House – I will finish the remodeling we started last spring (you don’t want to know). I think that by the time I finish all the little projects that should have been finished…oh, twelve years ago, we’ll move. Isn’t that the way it works?

Family – My babies are growing up so very fast. I will spend extra special time with the delightful Miss C and make the trek south to have lunch or coffee with my boy. Then of course, there’s that guy who lives here too. He’s the one who makes the money and litters my house with his antique receivers, turntables and tape decks. I’ll be spending me some quality time with him so that when Miss C eventually leaves we will still like each other. Come the end of May, Beloved and I are burnin’ rubber and hittin’ the road. Just the two of us. I CANNOT wait.

Friends – my dear, dear friends. I see coffee in our future and we won’t have to meet at McDonalds (a very special shout out to The Giver and The Writer for meeting me in the second level of hell just so I could see the white of yer eyes!). The future holds many wonderful moments for us and I cannot wait see you again and the beautiful thing is you won’t have to listen to any stories about wee girls, potty training, the Donut Man, or why my left eye twitches. It’s gonna be great, it really, really is.

I think it’s a pretty healthy list the logical side of me is rubbing her hands and eager to get started; the sappy side is dreading Wednesday morning. I think we’ll let her have a good cry and then tackle that list!

He Was Just Visiting this Planet

The first time I heard his music I thought, "Ummm okay." It was different than your run of the mill Christian rock. In fact, he was different. He was Larry Norman; the Father of Christian Rock and Roll. His controversial songs spanned 15 years before the Jesus movement began. He was the original Jesus Freak and he shook the world of rock.

Larry Norman rubbed elbows with the movers, the shakers, and everyone in between including those inside and outside the music business. He wrote about politics, drugs, hypocrisy, free love, and everything else. Of the modern church he once said,

"The churches weren’t going to accept me looking like a street person with long hair and faded jeans. They did not like the music I was recording. And I had no desire to preach the gospel to the converted."

The song that I think was perhaps his most powerful was, I Wish We'd all Been Ready



1995 brought an album of Larry Norman's music performed by such artists as DC Talk, Rebecca St. James, and Audio Adrenaline, just to name a few. In 2001, along with Elvis, Larry was inducted into the Gospel Music Hall of Fame.

Beloved and our boy had the opportunity to see Larry live in concert just days before Beloved would return to the hospital for yet another surgery. In many ways we've felt a connection to this man whose only goal in life was to point others to Jesus Christ.

At long last Larry, you are not of this world. Rest in peace brother.