Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Escape the Zoo

We all live in a zoo. Know what I mean?

Either we are trapped in the craziness that is our life, or somehow we stumbled in to someone else's zoo and thus are stuck behind bars not of our own making.

I've been thinking a lot about cages and entrapment lately. About fear and loss. About being trapped in a situation that I cannot control and worried that I'll never get out.

I'm sure it has to do with the small, petty issue of buying a house.

It could also have to do with my friends down South who are still in the midst of a horrific and life altering experience. Due to the delicate nature of the legal battle that is waging, I cannot go into details, but let me just say that there is a special place in Hell for those who wage war against God's children.

I firmly believe this and pray for justice.

Maybe my fretting over cages has to do with Boy's new adventure. I have no control over the situation and it makes me a little itchy. I'm such a fixer, you see. I want to fix and help and...okay, I want to run the show. It's true.

Yet, I know that these last few years have been about letting go.

Specifically, letting the children go. Just opening up the proverbial cages and turning them loose on the world. It's what we want to happen, but it's so darn hard to do.

Somehow, it's easier to let Boy go. Okay, it's kind of easier. Sort of....Maybe not?

Girl? Not so much.

But I know she wants adventure. I know she wants travel. I know she wants service.

I want to say, "Fly! Be free!"

And I probably will say it, but my little heart will shout the opposite. Don't you feel sorry for Girl? It's not that she's said anything. It's not as if she's packed her bags and heading to India with her brother. She's not like I was at eighteen - ready to run at a moments notice.

It's coming. That's all I know. And it's good. Escaping the zoo means growth and adventure and probably some mistakes. It means learning to do things on your own and meeting new challenges. It means balancing your checkbook and eating Top Ramen because you're broke.

I've been thinking about my own cage too. The one I've locked myself in. I think it's time to shake it up a bit. I had goals that I let fall to the wayside while I managed the family zoo. Maybe now is the time to unlock my cage door and learn something new.

I don't know what it is and I don't know how it will change me, but I want more. I want to live outside the zoo and see what it's like the big, bad world.

Hopefully, I won't get scared and run home!


Island Rider said...

INDIA! AGHGHGHGH! As a mom, I know your angst. The Amazon wrestling crocodiles, Haiti right after an earthquake, but India. So far, youngest son hasn't thought of that yet. Looks like Guatemala is on his list next. Praying for you... and boy of course.
Word verification: unbugsni

I pray your son will be unbugsni in India.

T. Paine said...

Just like Boy and Girl, you will do great!