For most of our married life, Beloved and I have lived underneath someone. The Rabbi and family lived over our heads for over two years. Great neighbors, good friends, but still, they were walking on my head every.day.
We moved to the farm fifteen years ago and for most of these years everyone in this family has walked on my head at one time or another. FIL plays golf on my head on a daily basis.
It's enough to give you a heck of a headache. I'm just sayin'.
That, and I hate it.
I hate living underneath someone. I hate not being the master of all I survey. I hate having to follow someone else's rules and deal with other people crap. Oh, and let's not forget about taking care of other people's property and having your nose rubbed in in over and over again that THIS IS NOT YOUR HOUSE.
I hope you get my point.
But something amazing has happened. Something I never dreamed would happen in my lifetime. Beloved announced that we are moving.
Not only moving, but buying BUYING our own home.
This has been my secrety secret for several weeks now. We didn't tell anyone but a few close friends and co-workers. It's the kind of secret that makes my stomach hurt and my insides quiver. I've been sick and nervous ever since this adventure began.
I realize that for most of you this isn't really a big deal. You bought your first home years ago and lived to tell the tale. But for me, it's different. I've never owned a home. I've never sat down and filled out 35 pages of financial information. This is the first time I've ridden around in a realtor's car and peeked in other peoples closets. It's the first time my Beloved has made all the phone calls and dealt with all the hard issues that make my head swim.
A house where we can paint the walls any color we chose. A house where we can dig a big ol' hole in the yard if we want to. A house were we can sleep in without FIL calling down the stairs.
But most importantly, a house we can make a home.
Where NO ONE will ever walk on my head again.
This has been an adventure and we've seen some amazing houses and some that pretended to be houses, but weren't really. We've been glared at by neighbors in places where I'm not sure my passport is good. We found the residence of a homeless person who had kicked in the door and was living in a vacant home. We've scurried out of a house that should be condemned because it made our realtor's eyes burn (I think I can still smell that smell). And we both nearly cried when we found the perfect home and were told we were too late.
There are those around us who aren't very supportive and I know there are some in the woodwork who, when they learn of our impending move, will be naysayers and mud slingers. They'll try to guilt us. They'll belittle whatever we buy. They'll be mean.
But that's okay. I've done my time, served my sentence, and poured enough of my life into others.
Now it's time for Beloved and I.
In our own home.
Except with grown children and more money.
Except there won't be more money because we'll have a mortgage.
Doesn't that sound like bliss?