Thursday, August 13, 2009

Thoughts on Bad Husbands

Let me just begin by saying that I do NOT have a bad husband. He's become a most excellent husband and father. I'm really thankful to have him. Sure, he's had his moments, but we joke about him not dragging his knuckles. We've never had the kind of marriage where he was the king of all he beheld and the rest of us were peasants. He's not that kinda guy.

That isn't to say that he is not the head of our house, cause he is. He just doesn't take himself too seriously. He respects me. I respect him. It's worked for nearly twenty-two years now and if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

What I'd like to write about today are the BAD husbands. You know what I mean. They are the arrogant ones. The "When I say jump you better jump," kind of men. They are the husbands that give husbands a bad name.

When I got my haircut last week, the first thing a group of ladies at the gym asked me was, "What did you husband say?" gasp!

Well, he didn't say much of anything. He thought it was cute and wanted to know if I was happy with it. That was it. The entire conversation lasted less than a minute.

The ladies shared stories of bad husbands who threw hissy fits when their wives got haircuts.


One lady told me that her husband refused to speak to her for THREE WEEKS after she cut her hair.

Three weeks...

I'm thinking it was the best three weeks of her life. I'm just sayin'.

My FIL was so angry when my MIL pierced her ears that he didn't speak to her for two days. She was thirty years old for Pete's sake!

We've all heard the story of men who demand that their wives lose weight or look a certain way. I have a friend whose husband returned from a business trip, took one look at her and said, "What's that on your face!" He was referring to an age spot. He demanded that she make an appointment with a dermatologist and have it removed "immediately".

Needless to say my friend, who is an amazingly beautiful woman, felt like a troll.

And it goes on...

I once live next door to a beautiful Latino woman whose husband did nothing but complain about his fat, dumpy wife (she was a size 8). So, like a good little wife she lost the weight. He then complained because she was too beautiful Latino friend finally had a enough and left her verbally abusive husband. He told her he doesn't understand why she left...

I am not burning a bra here. Nor am I advocating divorce, I'm just wondering why these men behave the way they do. I just don't get it.

And in all fairness, I know that there are many men who are living with contentious, sharped tongue women as well. You've probably noted that yourself.

But I'm talking about men here and I'm not trying to bash them, really, I'm not. I just want to understand what makes a husband think that the moment he puts a wedding ring on some woman's finger he has the right to treat her like an indentured servant.

I'm not a feminist but these type of men really bring it out in me. They make me all snarky and sarcastic. They make me want to liberate their women folk and storm the gates.

After several weeks of watching chic flicks the thought occurred to me that I might be setting my girl up for hard times. I asked her, "You do realize that real life relationship are not like these movies? Right? If the guy is a jerk in the beginning, chances are pretty good he'll end up being a jerk at the end."

Girl just smiled and said she knew that.

Happily ever after is what happens at the movies. Real life takes two people, doing the best they can together. It's not about one upping each other or being the boss. It's about protection, love, and commitment.

When it's done right, it's a beautiful thing.


The Sweet Family said...

Where is the picture of your adorable new do'?

TJ Brown said...

Protection love and commitment? I was thinking more exhaustion, sarcasm and habit! HA!

dee said...

Interesting....I'm a servent, pack mule and sometimes the only bread winner....all my husband does is goes to work sometimes and comes home and asks what's for supper.