Sunday, July 20, 2008

The hotel is officially closed for the season. The Dude, Biscuit Mama, and their brood bid us farewell and headed for distant mountains south. I’ve located the various items that were left in their wake; a hair brush, pillow, diapers, soda pop. The floors are clean, the counters scrubbed and only a few leftover burgers remain in the refrigerator. Yet, there is a nagging voice that lingers inside my head.

A comment was made that I can’t shake. It was said in jest, but it slapped me in the chops like a ball-peen hammer. I’m still reeling from the blow and I can’t shake off the niggling feeling that while the comment was made in good, clean fun, that there is an underlying truth to it. It’s twisting in my gut and causing me to reflect deeply.

This explains why I am baking peanut butter cookies, of which I’ve eaten two and won’t eat anymore. Honest. I bake a mean cookie. I really do. Cooking and baking, as well as writing, are my forms of therapy. My family loves it when I turn introspective because it usually means something good will happen in the near future.

I suppose I’ll have to chew on this comment for a while longer until I can dig its grave and kick it into the pit before tossing dirt over it and jumping up and down upon it to pack it FIRMLY down. It’s amazing, isn’t it, how one little sentence can slowly draw blood from the wound it carved in your back? Nasty, festering, wound.

I haven’t been to the track in two days and am feeling a strong pull from it. I want to run. I want to feel the stress of the past week slide off me while I run lap after lap. I want to feel my heart pounding and hear my Ipod blaring. To feel the cool breeze of morning gently cooling my brow as I run and while I still can’t run, I can walk. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll walk off this hurt and anger.

Anyhow, here are a few pics from the BBQ we hosted for the herd on Friday night.


Patti said...

i hate those comments made in jest. i would rather have the truth told to me in all its glory than suffer a comment made in jest.

and get back to that track. you deserve it...

tootie said...

I know how that feels. Sometimes a joking comment can really sting!

But you're right - exercise does help! I hope you get a chance to do your walk. I bet you'll feel a lot better!

Susan J. Reinhardt said...

Ouch! Those kind of remarks are difficult because they send mixed messages. Sometimes people don't realize how their comments are coming across.

When that happens to me, I try to look at my overall relationship with the person. Is this a common occurrence? Is this out of character? I try to view the words within the context of our total experience. We all say things we regret.

Have that cookie, but go work it off at the track. You'll feel a whole lot better.

Susan :)

Susan J. Reinhardt said...

P.S. Loved the pics. One of these
days maybe you can give me a
lesson on getting some of the
cool stuff you have on your
blog on mine. (Like My Book
Therapy, ACFW, the books I'm
reading, etc.)


Kiva said...

What a fun party. Great pics. I'm sorry that an off the cuff comment ruined your day. I have a tendency to put my brain in gear after I've said something and feel really guilty afterward.

Anonymous said...

Yes, it was amazingly stupid

I need a good kick you know where . . .

I hope you don't stay angry :(