Thursday, March 13, 2008

Basking in the Glow of Silence

Hours have turned to days, and days to weeks. It seems my entire life these last ten months has been focused on time and the passing there of. It’s time to get up, time to eat, time to brush your teeth, time for Sesame Street, time to stop trying to kill your sister with a Lego, time for lunch, time for nap. You get the idea. There’s been a lot of time passing.

So, it’s a bit of a shock to my system to be sitting here under the warm glow of the lamp with time to kill – on a Thursday no less! I haven’t had a Thursday morning to myself since April. What caused this rift in the space time continuum you ask? One little sentence:

“I wish tonight was an overnight. I don’t feel like driving,” Grandpa Mike grumbled.

Apparently he didn’t only grumble to me yesterday afternoon as I dropped my foster daughters off for their Wednesday visit with their mom. He did a wee bit o’ grumbling to his daughter, who in turn called the case worker.

It may not seem miraculous to you, but considering that Bio-Mom has done everything in her power to tick off the entire Department of Human Service, her being granted an unscheduled over night with her girls is incredible. Yes, incredible in so many ways.

First, the Z-Monster wanted to stay over night with Bio-Mom. She knows she’s moving home in a few weeks and is looking forward to it. She’s had a hard time understanding why her 8-year-old brother has spent the night when she hasn’t.

Second, this morning I got up, flipped on the kitchen light, made Beloved a hot breakfast, heated the water for tea, and made his lunch. WITH THE LIGHT ON. Because of the layout of our house (the wee girls sleep in a room just off of the kitchen) I’ve had to make lunches in the faint glow of the kitchen nightlight so that wee girls don’t get out of bed at 5:20.

Third, Beloved has left for work. It’s peaceful. It’s quiet. The lights are on and I don’t feel the need to rush around and attempt to get a very quick shower before a small blonde girl stumbles out of bed to tell me that it’s light outside (we have a rule that they are not supposed to get up before the sun. It may seem odd, but The Destroyer will get up anywhere from 4:30 on.)

Fourth, I actually got some writing done yesterday afternoon. I have until September to finish this story up, but you know how quickly time passes. That and my main characters can’t decide how to get back together. They are destined to be together, but after all they’ve been through, can they put their stubborn pride aside? Only time and my key board will tell.

Please don’t think me heartless, even though I feel a bit heartless. I will miss those two little blonde tyrants when they leave and I’ll worry about their safety, but it’s really beyond my power to change what’s coming. Sometimes you just have to embrace the inevitable and move on.

From my perspective, peace and quiet isn’t really all bad.

Countdown: 20 days


My Ice Cream Diary said...

Hey, it takes a brave woman to enjoy a quiet moment alone without feeling guilty for SOMETHING, so you go ahead and enjoy it! Besides, I don't think it would be possible to be a foster parent without being able to set aside guilt for things that you can't control.

Family Adventure said...

You are a wise and brave woman, my friend! I wish you the absolutely best these next 20 days...and the weeks and month thereafter.


bleeding espresso said...

Oh what a peaceful post; so glad you got some time for yourself.

I'm here via the Ultimate Blog Party, btw, and I look forward to getting to know you better. Lots of interesting goings on around here it seems ;)

Come visit my party in southern Italy when you get a chance:

Bleeding Espresso

Kiva said...

I'm glad you're feeling a bit of peace now. It's hard to let them go, but you've given part of yourself to them so that they have something good to grow on. Enjoy the glow.