To...

To the parent of Daphne at the McDonalds last Tuesday: Yelling and threatening your 8-year-old is not working. Get off you butt, grasp your child by the hand, explain that you are leaving because she has repeatedly ignored your instructions...then LEAVE! Good golly woman! That kid has your number and you better get it back before she turns 13 or you will surely regret it.

To the police officer in the ER this morning: Sir, I respect your job and I thank you for all that you do. From the look on your face, the other swarming officers, and the ER staff, I could tell this wasn't a typical Monday morning. My hat is off to you sir!

To my foster-daughters-mother: I am proud of you for looking for a place to live, but did you have to do it on a visitation day? You left the girls for "a long time" (as reported by Z-Monster) on a day that was supposed to be a visit with you...not your parents. PS. Did you find a place? He!

To the Hispanic gentleman driving 40 in a 55 zone: Look man, either learn to drive or stay off the road. I followed you from Silverton to Woodburn, driving 15 miles per hour under the speed limit. The other 28 cars behind me all feel the same way, trust me. So the next time you decide to drive, please check the speed limit and drive accordingly or please return to Mexico.

To my children: I love you. You both are the most amazing people I've ever had the pleasure to know and I cannot believe we share the same gene pool. Maybe you were adopted? Ha! Thanks for all the things that you do and forgiving me when I call someone a "Jackass" because they don't know how to merge.

To my parents: I'm sorry I wasn't there for Thanksgiving, we will be there for Christmas, but not for Easter. Stop loading me with guilt and being crappy with me. I am forty-years-old and my children are nearly grown. This means that I can spend the holidays in anyway I see fit. It doesn't mean I don't love you, it simply means that I have a life, which I will gladly share if you leave the nasty guilt trips at home.

To the mass in her head: You better not be a tumor...

To the oncologist: Please do a very careful exam of FIL on Wednesday...