Tales from the Laundry Mat: The Shaker

He was old and kinda dirty. In all honesty, I didn't get close enough to him to smell him. I just had a funny feeling that he might be a tad bit rank. I don't do rank very well.

The lower half of his face was covered in a scruffy graying beard and his hair was a wild mass that fell somewhere between Albert Einstein and an African Tribal Dancer. He didn't smile and he didn't make eye contact.

I was happy the laundry mat was busy that morning.

He'd gotten there before me, so he was already drying his load by the time I got mine started. I noted that he wasn't watching the television, but simply stood staring as his dryer did it's work. I wondered, because I'm just judgemental that way, if he was homeless. It made me a little sad to think that.

I sat there imagining his life, wondering if he had a family, and if there is a soup kitchen in this area. I was reminded that it has been quite awhile since I donated to the food bank. I felt guilty. After all, we have so much! What if this man had lost his job, then his home? It happens. It happens a lot.

Now this poor man probably wonders if he'll ever get back on his feet. How do you find a job when you can't take a shower or give a home address? More importantly, how do you find a job when there are no jobs?

I was ripped from my pondering by a loud SLAP!

I turned to see Scruffy Man shaking out his blue jeans, which had just finished drying.

SLAP!

He shook them again and they snapped loudly causing others to turn and watch.

Scruffy Man folded that pair of jeans with military precision. I watched in amazement as he took another pair of jeans and SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! He shook and folded them in the same way. He did this five times, each time filling the air with a loud, whip like noise.

He shook his shirts.

He shook his socks.

I don't think he had any underwear.

He placed each folded item of clothing neatly into a duffel bag.

"I knew it!" my mind whispered to me, "He is homeless!"

And I watched, a little sad, as he walked out into the cold morning air...and loaded his few belongings into a brand, spanking new, Jeep Grand Cherokee. With custom wheels and a custom paint job.

Then I felt like a doof.

Lessons from the Laundry Mat

Y'all know I love me a laundry mat...NOT! But, it is a necessity seeing that we swapped our washer and stove for a treadmill. Believe me, we got the better deal. And just think how fabulous Beloved and I will both look once we actually get the silly thing over here and start using it!

Anyway, since I am void of a washing machine, I have located the nearest LM and have become fast friends with the owner. His English isn't great, but man does he keep a clean LM!

Today, since I detest sharing the LM with strangers, I managed to get in the door at just a little after 8:00 am. The place was empty. Happy, happy Annie! I loaded my machines and settled in to re-read one of my favorite books. The television was on, but I decided to ignore AM Northwest.

We don't watch TV. We rebelled against the government, mandatory, digital age. Okay, not really, we just opted not to buy a silly little box that would sit unused because we honestly don't watch that much TV. We have Netflix and the Internet. 'Nough said.

But I found myself at least partly listening to those gleefully happy morning talk show hosts. Why, I was amazed at the things you can learn! I listened and found that most people now meet their "mates" online. Shocking! Can it be true? You can honest to goodness hook up with some stranger and find love everlasting ONLINE? Who'd a thunk it.

More importantly, why oh why would you? Don't most people know that pedophiles and murders lurk online? Chat rooms are akin to playing Russian Roulette! Haven't they heard that song about being So much better online?

Soon after, I learned that my skin is really showing it's age. In fact, at the rate I'm aging....I'm sure to be fifty with fifty year old skin! Some. Day. Soon! Those talks show hosts, in their earnest and passionate way, reminded me that NOW is the time to fight aging; that I can TURN back the clock.

Sadly, I am now in possession of a mortgage....so farewell ageless, beautiful skin.

Sigh.

After the AM talk show I was treated to a game show. Now, it has been years since I watched a game show and apparently, I am indeed smarter than everyone on that show. I knew all the answers. I was engaged. I was right and I was totally sucked in to that program, yelling (in my head of course) at the idiot contestant because she truly did not know Richard Rodger's was the composer who not only won an Emmy, a Grammy, a Tony and an Oscar, but he also won the Pulitzer.

What do they teach these kids in school these days? I'd really like to know.

I think I should quit my day job and work the game show circuit.

On second thought, I think I lack the personality of a game show contestant. Firstly, if I know the answer, I just blurt it right out! I don't have to dribble around bits of information as if I am searching my very soul for the answer to who was the first woman to run for President.

It's Victoria Woodhull in case you didn't know.

Secondly, I'd look huge on TV. Tis true. The camera adds pounds you know and just between us, I have enough already!

That, and my parents would probably see me and sue me for all my winnings. It's just how they roll.

The LM is such a delightful place. I learn so much. For instance, did you know that it is perfectly acceptable to wear your PJ pants to the PUBLIC laundry mat? True. And did you further know that it is nearly mandatory that you bring small children and let them run laps around the machines?

So many lessons and so little time.