I can be slow at times.
It sometimes takes me awhile to put it all together.
Eventually, the light bulb flickers on.
GC told me recently that he's been speaking to our eldest brother. He's the brother I never mention and there are many variables to the puzzle that is our family's past. None of which am I willing to discuss at this point in time.
But GC said something to me last night that caused my brain cells to flicker to life and then I had to know.
"Are you trying to make peace with the past because you think you are dying?" I asked.
GC's chocked affirmative of the obvious shook me to my boots.
He's afraid to die and he thinks that by somehow laying to rest all the bitterness and pain of our childhood that he will find peace.
But he won't.
I explained to him that the past is the past. Ya' gotta let it go. Ya' gotta move on.
I realized in sixty-seconds that he called me, not because he truly is sorry for what happened, but because he thinks he is dying and he's trying to leave this world in a good light.
I love that big, clueless lug.
It doesn't matter why he called. I'm glad he did. I'm glad I got to apologize for being a fly-off-the-handle kinda girl. I'm thankful he accepted my apologize and even joked about our family temper.
But my heart is breaking for the man who has spent two years mourning our Omi and sinking in the misery of his own mortality. He may very well be dying...we all are, just some sooner than others, but the peace he is looking for cannot be found in relationships, alcohol, women, or therapy.
He knows where I'm coming from, so there isn't any need for me to repeat the obvious and yet it is so tragic to see him flail against the peace that only God gives. He's heard it all before and yet he clings to this life of misery.
And I can only sit back and watch.
The best thing I can do is to pray for him and hope the he will see the gift that has been laid before him.
It only takes sixty-seconds to realize that there is more, so much more, to this life and death we humans experience.
If he'd only open his heart and his ears for sixty-seconds to the One who loves him most.
Just sixty-seconds and his life (and death) would change forever.