Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Mini Vacation -Not So Much

Today is the final day....the final day of my mini vacation. Which stinks because with the exception of a few hours at the beach, everything has been normal. As in, I cleaned the house and watered the plants, normal. As in I got up at five-flippin-am to get beloved out the door to work.

Mini vacations stink. We shouldn't even call them vacations. Not really. Not if everything is the same and everyone still wonders what you are going to make for dinner.

Isn't vacation supposed to involve menus and someone else cleaning up?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

I had my hair done yesterday. In order to be cheap make my hair cut last longer, I opted for a shorter cut. It was super cute yesterday. But today, I'm not sure I can replicate what the hair wizard did and I may end up looking like I'm wearing a football helmet.

And I totally hate that.

One other bright spot in my oh so sunny mini vacation, was returning the soda cans for recycling. For those of you who live in states that do not recycle you cannot image the awesomeness of it all. If you don't recycle you miss out on the sticky floor in the recycling area. Seriously. I nearly lost a flip flop.

Hey, remember when we use to call them thongs? Of course now a thong is considered a flimsy piece of women's undergarment. But in my little black heart, a flip-flop will always be a thong. Just don't tell my children.

After prying my flip-flop from the sticky residue of soda, beer, and other beverages I began to wade through the oodles of cans and bottles in my five (yes, I said five) garbage bags. The funny thing is, we haven't been drinking much soda. In fact, I rarely drink soda at all. So, there you have it. I have been storing five bags of recycling for months. That's just disgusting.

What's even more disgusting is how the unrinsed cans and bottles formed a protective barrier around themselves to avoid being recycled. Sticky, unrelenting, goo greeted my fingers. That's just gross.

All this work. All this labor. And what was my reward? About eleven bucks....

So worth it...

I told you. This mini vacation is just rockin' with excitement and thrills. The only thing missing is a nice paper cut, which I'm certain can be arranged.

Alright, there are a couple of good things about today. Today, July 28th, is the birthday of the Singer. If she lived here (ah, another sucky thing to add to my list) we would so do birthday fun.

Manicures, only I don't want them massaging my arms cause it hurts!

Shopping! The singer is about 89 lbs dripping wet so we could shop in all those chic boutiques where fat girls like me are snickered and laughed at.

Lunch. You know, she really needs to eat more. One good burst of wind and we'll lose her!

Cocktails. Doesn't cocktail hour begin at 3:00?

We'd get her a new tattoo, because she doesn't have enough (ha ha haha hahahha) Sorry, inside joke.

Cocktails, cause I'd need one after watching her get another tattoo.

Cake because I do loves me some cake and I haven't eaten cake since graduation. I'll even offer to eat the Singers cake, because I know she's watching that girlish figure.

We'd see a movie if there was anything girlie worth seeing.

Dinner, again, this is hard work and I've got to keep up my strength. I can just feel the pounds melting off with all the laughter we'd share.

There wouldn't be anymore cocktails, because I'm a cheap date and the Singer can drink me under the table. That wouldn't be very fun and besides, do you know how many calories are in liquor? Seriously! It boggles the mind.

So, there you have it. On my final day of my mini vacation, I would spend it doing fun and embarrassing things with the Singer. If. She. Lived. Here.

Instead, I've been invited to lunch at the Giver's house. Lunch there is always good and considering that I missed her sons baptism on Sunday, I think I owe her. In all fairness, my mind has been occupied with all sorts of other things. Remembering an important event like a baptism simply didn't happen. Imagine how great it was to receive a text message asking me if we were "coming today".

Huh? Coming to what?

Then image rushing home from the grocery store, changing clothes, and driving like speed racer to the church...only to find the parking lot empty. That's right boys and girls, Annie didn't read the entire text. Nope, she just skimmed. Which is why she didn't know that the baptism was taking place at a different location rather than at the Giver's church.

I suck. I really do.

Maybe I just need to go back to work.


A. K. said...

Sounds like you got lots to do in your Mini-Vacation... I didn't know that flip flops were known as thong... Wow! I got lot to learn, because thong to me are those... let me not explain it, its too x-rate.. lol.. Have a great day ahead

Bee and Rose said...

You are so cute! I love your witty charm!

I still call them thongs too and it totally freaks out my kids!

Happy Birthday to Singer!

wendybird said...

Thank you Bee and Rose for the birthday wish. :) Ann.....I weigh about 89 lbs plus 30!!!! You silly. I so want that day with you. And.....I am getting another tattoo...soon. I love you more than I can say. I'd be lost without you!!!! You will never ever be a loser!!!!! The Singer....