Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Looking for a Safe Haven

I’m feeling a bit…miffed. My FIL needs a swift kick in the head and he may just receive it sooner than later. That man…oh! That man!

Here’s the deal; we have a registered sex offender in the family. No, it’s not like that. The RSO did not abuse a little girl or a little boy, for that matter. It was more a case of making out with the wrong age girl. It’s a fine line, you know? And I’m not defending him. NOT.ONE.BIT.


He’s not the sharpest tack in the box and his judgment, when it comes to the opposite sex, is pretty darn skewed. Honestly, he’s hit on his cousins…see what I’m saying here? Okay, I’ll just say it plain and simple: He’s a nice kid, but I don’t trust him as far as I can spit.

When he was a little boy I felt sorry for him. He got a raw deal in the parent department. He had trouble learning, but he was sweet. As he grew up he changed into that strung out, thin nephew who showed up at holiday dinner looking like he hadn’t slept in a week. He was using, everyone knew it, and everyone urged him to stop the junk.

I imagined he’d be behind bars at some point for drugs, but not for making out with an underage girl. Should have seen it coming, but didn’t. He was arrested, served his time, and he’s out in society again. He’s trying to get his GED (good!). He’s been looking for a job for over a year, but when you are a RSO there aren’t many takers.

We don’t want him to fail. We don’t. We’ve helped him here and there, mostly with rides and verbal support. FIL hires him to do odd jobs around the farm and that’s great (because getting that man to pay for anything is a small miracle in itself!).


RSO is not a kid any more. He’s a man. No longer is he the skinny kid I could snap like a chicken. He’s a 200 pound man, strong and powerful and not right in the head.

But back to the reason I want to smack my FIL. My work schedule varies so there are usually one or two days per week when I’m at the gym. This normally isn’t a problem since Girl is a good girl and does her school work, tidies up the house, and bakes goodies while awaiting my return. She acutally prefers me to be home in the evening so that we are all here as a family. The problem is that FIL often has RSO here to work…when neither I nor Beloved is home.

That leaves Girl here unprotected.

Did I mention I don’t trust this kid as far as I can spit…and I’m a lady, so I can’t spit very far.

When we know RSO is coming out to work, I go about finding a haven for Girl when I work. We are blessed to have three such havens, but it’s getting ridiclous. Tomorrow will make the second time in two weeks I’ve had to usher girl to one of the havens. Thankfully, I haven’t had to leave work to rush home. Thankfully, our friends are understanding. Thankfully, we have friends!

But how long can this go on? What if FIL has RSO here all summer long?!

There are so many things about the farm that drive me nuts.

GOLF – it’s a long story

The RSO is by far the biggest problem though and I feel terrible that I feel this way, but this is my child we are talking about. This is my baby. I have no desire to see her hurt and for Beloved to do time in the big house because he took care of business because someone hurt his little girl.

FIL is NOT a reasonable person. He’s not logical and he doesn’t give a fig about how anyone else feels. It’s just the way he rolls. I don’t like, but I deal with it.

I just don’t know what to do about the RSO.


Patti said...

this made my stomach hurt. there has to be a solution. has to be.

TexasRed said...

Jeez. Yeah, it doesn't seem like such an unreasonable statement to say "I don't want a Registered Sex Offender at my house with my daughter when neither of her parents are here."

Any end in sight for the work FIL and RSO are doing at your place?

Eric said...

I understand where you're coming from, but there'd be no way I'd every let a RSO anywhere near my boys. Maybe it was a teenager mistake. Maybe nothing would ever happen. But all it takes is just one time and your child is affected forever - assuming nothing truly terrible happens. Just my two cents.

Roo said...

First of all, Congratulations to you for being so aware of what's going on in and around your home. You are WELL within your rights to insist that RSO not be anywhere near your home when Girl is home alone and you should not continually have to shuttle her off to a haven. Her home should be her haven.

As Eric said, it may have been a teenage mistake, but all it takes is one minor incident to change Girl's and your lives forever.

Good luck and I'll say a few prayers!!!!

Sandcastle Momma said...

That's rough. Good for you for keeping her away from him! She has to be protected no matter what and even if RSO would never bother her you can't take that risk. Good luck this summer and let's hope RSO finds a job far, far away!

Kiva said...

You're doing the right thing... Alas, if FIL and RSO has access to your home it isn't safe. Maybe the best thing is for Girl is to get a summer job... Not an easy solution, I'll keep praying.