Lisping Creeper be Warned

It all began because someone broke my Scooby-Doo lunch box when I was in second grade. It’s true. I was at the bus stop with my older half-brother. It should be understood that older, half-brother didn’t like me all that much. I was, after all, five years his junior and probably as annoying as the day is long. When the neighborhood bully, let’s call him Jack (because I honestly don’t remember this kids name), decided that I was the target of the day, older half-brother ignored my pleas for help.

It wasn’t until lunch time that I realized my Scooby-Doo lunch box had a dent and the thermos, the one filled with wholesome 2% milk, jingled when I shook it. It wasn’t supposed to. The glass insulation had been broken when “Jack” kicked my lunch box across the street at the bus stop. Sadly, that was the end of my lunch box but I came away from the incident wiser.

I learned to avoid “Jack” at all costs, to hold my lunch box while waiting for the bus, and to never expect help from my older half-brother. These were tough lessons for a seven-year-old to learn, but good ones to learn early. Some years after that I made the decision that if I ever had children of my own, and the oldest was a boy that he would be taught to defend his young siblings.

Enter Boy

Boy took to heart the lessons we taught him about his duty as the oldest child and there have been some instances when I thought he’d get his clock cleaned when he stood up to the older, tougher, stronger, boys who weren’t very nice to his little sister. It was okay for Boy to pick on and abuse Girl, but it wasn’t acceptable for other boys to pick on his sister. End of story or so we thought.

Last Easter at the church potluck Girl noted that there was a young man who was, staring at her. Afterwards in the car Boy said, “What was up with creepy, black hair guy?” He thought maybe she knew him. When Boy learned that there was no acquaintance, he was NOT pleased.

Dancing!

When Girl attended the graduation ball last spring, she danced. She danced with boys. She danced in the Regency fashion under the watchful eyes of adult chaperones. It was all very innocent and nice. There was no hanky-panky. Yet, when Boy of learned of it, he kicked open the front door (the door was already slightly ajar), threw down his load of laundry, and exclaimed, “Dancing!!!” in a very disgusted voice.

Girl, for her part, is level headed and not at all boy crazy. She laughs at her brothers scornful looks. It amuses her when they are in public and Brother will say to her, “I don’t like the way that guy is looking at you.” It’s all sort of sweet in its own twisted way.

Until…

Remember the dark hard chap from Easter? Well, turns out he’s got an eye for Girl. He stared, all the while pretending to TXT on his cell phone, through church services a few Sunday’s ago. Then last Sunday he grew bolder. As Girl sat with her friend after services, he and his friend joined them. Making small talk, blah, blah, blah.

Beloved and I had left right after service and did not stay for the dinner that our church hosts each Sunday evening. Girl was under the somewhat neglectful eye of Grandpa. When she arrived home she said, “Remember that creepy guy from Easter…” and went on to describe what happened.

“He has a lisp,” she stated.

“He’s creepy!” She moaned.

Beloved and I smiled at each other. We explained that “Creeper” as Girl has dubbed him, probably likes her. She was not impressed. I sent Boy a TXT message…

Boy – Tell her to be rude and have Dad drive him away!

Girl – We are working on it.

Boy – Good! If I need to come up there let me know!

Girl – Ew! It’s a lisping Creeper!

Boy – Never smile and him! Never laugh! Get that creeper away from Thee!

Now, I have to admit that I feel kind of sorry for Creeper. He has no idea what he’s up against. Not only does he have Beloved to deal with, but he has Boy who isn’t nearly as kind as Beloved.

Girl is a girl worth protecting and I’m certain that some day Prince Charming will come along and charm Beloved and Boy into being allowed to court fair Girl. Until then, be warned all you lisping creepers!