Roomie Wanted

So, I’m minding my own business, reading someone else’s blog (I think it was a writers’ agent blog, whose name escapes me just now) when I came across something so funny. Apparently, she thought it was funny too because she had numerous posts on the subject. And what, pray tell, is that subject? Why Craigslist.com’s housing ads for roomies.

I know that in itself doesn’t seem very humorous. Stick with me. The blogger posted a roommate wanted ad from two women who were offering a room “free” of rent, to any physically fit male who would clean house, in the buff, as well as provide, ahem, other services.

Honest!

After laughing myself silly I decided to check my area’s roommates wanted on Craigslist. Below is what I found. Be warned, there are wild things that follow:

I did not correct, clean up, or use a red marker on these ads. They are the original posts in all their glory

The first post I came across struck me, not for it oddity, but for the poor grammar and spelling. See for yourself:

2 women living in a three bedroom 3.5 bathroom looking for third women room mate. we live in a three level townhouse and the bedroom in on the bottom floor with your own bathroom. I myself is in college attending XXX state and the other room mate works full time. we are looking for another female room mate who is dependaple, clean and no drama. we are looking for the room mate to move in may so all you would have to pay is 1st month rent of 350. Untiles are shared amongst all of us and are not more then 65 a month. this is a really good deal so if you have any more question feel free to email me with the information.

I’m glad the person who posted this is attending XXX State, perhaps she’ll take high school English and learn how to spell and use correct punctuation.

This next post is for all you ladies out there. I’m certain none of you could turn down this slick dude:

Free rent for a good looking female,18+ nice upper scale house. I'm a young (39)single male,Handsome . Very clean and honest, all you have to do is take care of the house and me. No rent and a good chance for an awsome relationship. No Drugs or Drama.

Awww, he’s young (snicker) and handsome (note he capitalized handsome), and all you have to do is take care of the house and him. A girl would have to possess a great deal of DRAMA, not to mention a serious dope habit, to move in with this Prince Charming!

As for these next folks, all I can say is I think we lived next door to them a few years back.

Two cool, but not too cool for school people looking for a third to join a household. We dance, drink, smoke cigarettes (outside only), laugh, cook, garden, listen to loud music, etc, BUT this is NOT a party house.

Honest, this is not a party house.

They’re cool, they drink, they dance, they smoke and listen to loud music…but it’s not a party house. Yeah. Right. If any one is interested I have some lovely, CHEAP, beach front property in Arizona. Just respond to this ad, snort.

And last but certainly not least rental ad number four:

LOOKING for: a good vibes sista, ya!! basically it's two guys on the main floor and two girls upstairs (this is where you come in). and a guy (who owns the house) lives in the basement, but he's in brazil right now. so it's 5 or 6 people, but it's not crowded and the rooms are private enough for your own tiny universe. the room available is beautiful and sunny. the upstairs you will be sharing is really sweet space, so it would be cool to have two people up there who have similar energy--just sort of be on the same wavelength so it feels good. ideally, this means someone who is fun to be around, positive, laid back, has some sense of sacred space, light-hearted, good sense of humor, respectful, herb friendly but not obsessed--you know just all around good vibes! someone who has their own groove and also wants to build community with the others would like it here.

Yo, sisata! It ain’t crowded and we is all laid back and herb friendly. We is lookin’ to build a community with good vibes.

So, there you go. The world is a weird, weird place. I have to admit that I looked very lovingly at the cows this evening. The crab grass looked like heaven and that fence that needs repairing, well, gosh, I nearly wept at the sight. Ah, home, sweet, home!

But I do have a room for rent…