Friday, January 04, 2008

Games People Play

I continue to be amazed at the head games with which the state is playing with Bio-Mom. It isn’t that I think Bio-Mom is innocent or that she has necessarily earned the right to have all of her children back post haste. It’s the simple fact that the State seems to be more interested in jerking her chain, than helping her grasp the reality of her situation. All of which has left me not only holding the two wee girls, but it has placed me smack in the middle of a role I’m not sure I’m qualified for. It’s the role of mandatory reporter and semi-friend.

Hard to believe, I know, but I like the girl’s grandfather, really like him. He’s a nice guy, good heart, and apparently smarter than his offspring. As to the Bio-Mom, I was very harsh with her early on, more so than I should have been. I didn’t want to know her. I didn’t want to understand anything about her. Alas, time passes and even a foolish, know-it-all such as I have to admit that there is some good in her. Eating one’s words is never as pleasant as eating cake though! I do feel sympathy for her as I continue to watch the game of “we’ll return your children when we are darn good and ready and you better not ask too many questions or make too many waves, because we are on a power trip” that the State is playing.

The rules and time frame in this game have changed so many times that I find my head spinning. You may remember that when we first took in the girls we thought they’d be returning at the end of May. Then it was August, October, and December. We were told once Bio-Mom found a place to live (which the Feds are paying for, but that’s another rant) that the boy would be returned immediately and then the girls would be quickly transitioned back.

Bio-Mom moved into her apartment on Dec. 22nd. The boy has still not been returned. I thought it might be a matter of paperwork. Alas, no. The game has changed and now they will be transitioning boy back over the next 30 to 60 days. After he returns they’ll begin the process of returning the girls. I understand why, sort of. Boy is a threat to the little girls. Which leaves the Bio-Mom jumping through more hoops (which leaves her angry and frustrated) and me driving, driving, driving, not sleeping, and some days feeling weary beyond belief.

We’ve come to love the wee girls but we are frustrated with not being able to be “real” parents. The girls are equally confused. Z-Monster understands that she is returning to her mother. Yet, she is terribly concerned about having her birthday party here. She wants to make sure she can stay here with us “sometimes” and “can I take my cereal with me?” Z-Monster is a sad little girl. Certainly she laughs, but it’s seldom a side-splitting laugh. Her eyes are sad and sometimes I wonder what she thinks about when she stares off into space.

The Destroyer thinks we are mama and dada, how sad is that? How do you explain to a 2-year-old that you are not her parent and that she’s not staying with you? There is no way I can believe this isn’t doing damage to her wee head. Because she has spent most of her life with either Teri or me, she is a very typical girl; plays pretend, destroys anything her sister makes, runs in circles and screams for fun. She eats like a horse, but doesn’t like junk food much. Destroyer is a meat and potatoes kind of girl. Given the choice, she’d rather have green beans (even cold out of the can) than a cookie. Will Bio-Mom provide a balanced meat and potatoes meal?

I don’t know what the answer is. Is it better for the girls to return to their mother? That’s what the experts say. If they were removed could I handle raising them? Most of me says no…I’m too old, too tired, too impatient. Could I ever forgive myself for taking the easy road?

Oh the games people play now, every night and every day now,

never meaning what they say now, never saying what they mean.

-Joe South

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