Friday, April 11, 2014

My Big Fat American Life (Teenage Boy Included)

If you have seen the  movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, you may recall a scene when Gus Portokalos (Michael Constantine) says to his wife, Maria (actress Christian Eleusiniotis):

 "It is mistake to educate women but, nobody listen to me cause now we have a boyfriend in the house! Is he nice Greek boy? Oh no no Greek! No Greek xeno! Xeno with the long hair on top of his head!

I love that line. I love how passionate the dad is about his child. Granted, the poor girl was 30 and way past her expiration date (another great line!), but still a child is a child is a child. Always.

Today's long overdue blog post is about....The boyfriend.

Or specifically, a boyfriend. A freckle faced youth with dazzling blue eyes and an incredibly respectful manner. Who is young. Oh, so young. But so is she. Sigh.

I have great mommy radar. When Boy was a youth, I always knew when he was up to no good. Even if I wasn't sure exactly what he was doing, I always knew he was doing something. So, when my radar started pinging BOYFRIEND, I casually asked KK if she had one. Her denial was sure and swift and a little too believable.

I asked. I threw out names. I joked.

She held firm to her story that there was no boyfriend. Until...

The night of her band concert she matter of factly told me that, "Colin (names changed to protect the guilty) will be playing percussion and his parents would like to meet you."

Colin is one of the boys that I had specifically asked about. Pointedly joked about. Looked her dead in the eye and said, "Is Colin your boyfriend????"

I stopped dead in my tracks in the middle of the high school parking lot when she blurted the news of the non-existing boyfriend. Xeno! What transpired next was an angry tirade of words and thoughts. Hours later, when I reported the story to Beloved, he simply said, "Why didn't you just leave? Why did you let her manipulate the situation? She set you up. I would have told her to get her sneaky butt back in the car and drove home."

Gee, wish I'd thought of that.

But, I didn't. I met Colin (firm handshake, good eye contact) and his mother, who I am fairly certain thought I was the meanest mom on the planet. I was simply unable to stop my mouth from saying things like, "Oh, Colin TOLD his mother about YOU?!" and "Sure they can hang long as there are eyes on them AT ALL TIMES!"


Since that fateful night a month or so ago, Colin and KK have been texting up a storm. They say silly, gushy things to each other. We allowed them to go to a movie....with a chaperone. They've made plans to go to the mall (again, chaperoned). They say, "I love you".

Double Oi.

Here's the thing; KK has trust issues. What happens when she goes to high school next year and Colin stays in middle school (yes, he's younger than she is)? Or worse, what will become of KK when they break up? And they will. they are just children after all.

Children playing with their hearts.

Who will be left to pick up the pieces of KK's fragile heart?

 Me, that's who. 

My friends, they don't get it. These friends fall into one of two camps. There are the ultra conservatives whose children do not date before age 18, of which I was a part of back when Boy and Girl were younger. The other camp consists of those who think dating and all that jazz, is a normal part of a child's development. They ask why I'm so anxious, when it's all so normal.

No one gets me.

We have a boyfriend. A boyfriend! A boyfriend in the house!

Is he a nice Christian boy? I don't know!

At this juncture, we are all over this situation like hawks. We keep our friends close...and our enemies closer.

Nick Portokalos:
I've never seen my sister this happy, Ian. If you hurt her, I'll kill you and make it look like an accident.


Island Rider said...

Hoo boy. That's a big change. My advice? Kill em with kindness. Invite him over so much that his mother starts to complain she never sees him and K.K. gets sick of him. When he becomes a member of the family, she won't want a brother and you will have gained another son!

T. Paine said...

You have great instincts. Follow them, my friend.

I think junior high is too young to "date" personally and you are right that she will get her heart broken, but that is a part of learning, living, and growing up too. It's just better if that is postponed until there is a certain level of emotional maturity of the young lady and gentleman involved so that they are aware of and respect their parents' limitations.

I am so glad that I don't have teenagers anymore. God bless you and your hubby, Annie!

Annie said...

Thanks guys! It's one step at a time here. I'm just thankful that she's so wrapped up in Lacross that she doesn't have as much time on her hands (or his hands - ugh!) as she'd like.

Ewww. I can't believe I just wrote that!