I have finally had an awakening.
All of KK's bad behaviors: the lying, the sneaking, the sorting through other people's personal belongings...
It's not about us. She would be this way if she lived in YOUR home. She is who she is who she is.
I think I've taken too much to heart. In my mind I have thought that because I do not treat her the way people in the past have treated her, that somehow that would equal her not treating me poorly in return. That by simply understanding, making allowances, and not fighting every fight, that she would just magically turn into someone else.
How silly of me!
When she lies, it's not about how I've treated her.
When she sneaks or hides things, it has very little to do with me.
She is who she is and she may never change.
Knowing this, does it change the way I feel about her? Do I love her less? Can I live knowing that her behavior may never, ever change?
This journey is indeed a snail's race.
The good news is, I've finally gotten over myself.
The better news is, we've learned how to deal with behaviors that are not healthy and that she simply much change in order to grow into a reasonably healthy adult.
We simply do not react. If she does XYZ than ABC happens. No discussion. No excitement. No drama. No crocodile tears (which, just between you and I, get me EVERY time).
Grow a spine! That's what the previous Foster Mom said to me. Grow. A. Spine! Yes, yes indeed.
Yet, I would counter that mantra with this: Be firm, be resolute, but do so with love.
When the world seems like such a dark, bitter, angry place - remember that YOU (I) am the good I hope to see in others.