I stand in your doorway at night and watch you sleep. I smile because you are sleeping sideways, allowing our fluffy kitty to take up a large portion of your bed.
There are times when your laughter is so genuine that I cannot help but laugh myself.
I look into those blue eyes and wonder what's going on inside your head. I ask myself if you are the angel you want me to think you are, or that girl from the movie, The Bad Seed.
Often times I wonder what you are like when I'm not around. Who are you when you are at school? Why don't you play outside at recess?
Sometimes I want to scream at you and make you change. I want to make you be different from who you actually are.That's when I remember that there were other adults who probably screamed and MADE you who you are.
There are times, when you are so demanding of my attention, that I would give my right arm if you would just give me five minutes peace. Of course, there are the other times when I smell your hair and hold you close and forget that you can be annoying and anxious.
When you fight with your sister...I gotta be honest here...I want you to stop using your words and fists to get your point across.
Sometimes when you are scared, I'm scared too, but I don't share that with you...because I am your rock.
I wonder, sometimes, if you will ever love Jesus, or me, or Dad, as much as we love you.
There are times, when I see or sense that someone isn't being nice to you, that I want to thrash that person within an inch of their lives and remind them that NO ONE messes with my baby.
Sometimes you call me Squishy Mommy and I call you Squishy Baby.
Sometimes we growl and screech and run around the house as if we've lost our minds...and I wonder what the neighbors think.
When I think about the future, I cannot always see who you will be. I don't know if you will spend holidays with us, or if Dad will give you away at your wedding, or if you'll excitedly call me up to tell me that I am going to be a grandma.
Sometimes you sit on my lap, look up at me with those blue eyes, and say something so ridiculous that everyone bursts into laughter.
And other times your stomach hurts because it's a court day, or a therapy day, or you just don't want me to go to work.
Is it possible that you cannot imagine your life without us? Because I cannot imagine my life without you. And even though Dad and I sometimes look at each other with that "we've lost our minds" look, we won't change our minds.
Not even sometimes.