Sunday, October 14, 2012

The Waters are Muddy

The girls, KK and Poker Face, along with several Foster family members, have come down with Whopping Cough. They are quarantined for the next week. Which means we didn't see the girls this weekend.

Instead, I spent some time speaking with an acquaintance who just happens to work in the adoption field and is a certified counselor who works with families and children. It isn't that she told me things I hadn't already suspected. Nor is it that she shared statistics that made me cringe.

I think it was just so much heavy information that my brain stopped working around 4:00 pm today.

I know kids have issues.

I know older kids have more issues.

I know we may be in for the battle of our lives.

And I know I'm scared witless at the thought of my life being turned upside down and inside out.

Beloved, bless his heart, thinks some folks make too much of such things. That if you treat a child well, that, all will be well.

Daughter, in all her twenty-year-old glory, simply stated that the girls are fine and probably don't have any of those issues.

But I have friends who have been through a living hell with their adopted children. They've been charged with crimes, arrested, accused of awful deeds, and are up to their eyeballs in debt. For more than two years they fought to get their children back.

Their children are home now, but at what cost? Sure, the lies that were presented as facts have come to the surface. Charges have been dismissed and wrongs are being made right.

Beloved and I are finished parenting. We have raised our children. We have grandchildren to look forward to at some point in the future.

Why would we do this?

Why would we risk our lives for two kids whose parents have completely screwed them up? Or did they? Are these two girls so strong, so resilient, that they have walked away from their pasts without so much as a scratch? I doubt it.

I don't know. I have no answer that another human being could fathom. All I know is that God seems to be pointing us in this direction, but like Jonah, I feel like catching the first boat out of town.

I wish I could expel these doubts and worries. I wish I could say that whatever comes our way, we can handle it.

I suppose my faith is small, to have so many doubts.


Island Rider said...


Anonymous said...

I anxiously await more news - Love to you and all - Kat

T. Paine said...

If your faith is small, then may God help the rest of us! Regardless of how things turn out, you and your family are an inspiration and a wonderful sign of God's love and goodness in this world, my friend.