Saturday, September 08, 2012

And Then the What Ifs Began...

What if...KK and Pickles have A LOT of emotional issues? I'm not talking your run-of-the-mill attachment issues or the why do our biological parents suck issues. What if they have bonding issues? What if they hate adults? What if they blame us for all their troubles?

What if...there are addiction issue? Issues like fetal alcohol or drug use issues.

What if...we can't deal with all the public school crap? We homeschooled. I'm an educational snob and think the public sector stinks.

What if....they use drugs, get pregnant, end up in jail?

What if .... they hate us.

What if .... our friends hate our girls and won't let their kids play with our kids?

What if...I'm too old, too tired, too weary?

What if...this is a mistake?

What if KK and Pickles don't like living here? We live in a humble in home. We bought this house because we could grow old in it - no stairs, small yard, one bathroom.

What if they hate us....

What if I'm angry, frustrated, moody? It's happened....a lot...

Then there are the other what ifs.

What if we do not adopt them? They could spend years in and out of foster care. They could be used and abused over and over and over.....

What if we decide to be selfish and miss out on one of the greatest blessings of all time?

I'm a mess.

3 comments:

Island Rider said...

What if you trust God? What if you let go? What if you rest in the knowledge that if the addition to your family becomes reality, He will take care of all of this? What if...

Penelope W said...

It is scary, isn't it? I know exactly how you feel since I've been there too. When we were called about our Lil Bit's newborn brother, I struggled & struggled on saying no, especially since he had been given my dad's middle name. Gut-wrenching!

p.s. you might want to turn off the word verification since it doesn't work on mobile devices.

Anonymous said...

beautiful :)

Kat